Before a couple weeks ago, I had never heard of Flowers in the Attic. Apparently, it was THE seminal naughty book that girls hid from adults for the '80s and early '90s, but that was a bit before my time.
It seems like most generations have one of those books. To show you how my own pop culture brain works, it always makes me think of the "Library Cop" episode of Seinfeld, where middle-school-aged Jerry sneakily takes out, and then doesn't return for decades, the sexy Tropic of Cancer. I was took young for that, too. In fact, I can't think of what my generation's forbidden titillation was. I remember Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret being a little risque, but that was because it talked about puberty and periods. Not exactly what every hormonal preteen rushes to read about (at least not for fun).
So, I didn't know Flowers in the Attic, but I don't live under a rock and I read and saw countless things leading up to Lifetime's film version that aired last week. And not just blurbs in Entertainment Weekly, but people I know eagerly anticipating it. I saw the descriptions of the general plot and knew it was sexy and forbidden to those tweens a couple decades ago, but other than that, I just tuned in out of curiosity.
Oh. My. God.
What did I just watch? I have no idea, but frankly, I'm shocked the Foxworth family has lasted this long considering all its inbreeding. I've never thought about incest in my life as much as I did this past week. Yeeeeeeeech.
To the other under-rock-dwellers who missed the Flowers in the Attic phenomenon, it is the story of the Dollanganger family: perfect Dad, perfect Mom and four perfect kids. Did I mention they're perfect? Because they are, indeed, quite perfect.
Until Dad dies in a car accident. Then Mom's true identity as a trophy wife becomes extremely evident to her and oldest daughter Cathy, as she has no money and no skills to get a job. Also, the parents have been charging all that perfect stuff they had so they are actually homeless and possessionless, too. But they're still pretty, thank goodness.
So Mom packs up the kids and heads to her parents house. Nevermind that her parents disowned her when she married Dad and that the kids, until now, didn't even know they HAD grandparents. Oh yeah, and their last name is actually Foxworth. Mom hadn't mentioned that yet? MY BAD.
At the Foxworth estate, Grandpa, who was especially pissed about Mom's marriage, is dying and Mom thinks her only way to survival is to win him back so he puts her back in the will, something he does on the condition that she never had children with her husband. So she and mentally unstable Grandma hide the kids in the attic for, oh, I dunno, a few years.
Grandma's crazy and abusive in all senses of the word - physically, verbally, emotionally. She's also harboring some deep-seeded jealousy over her daughter's close relationship with her father. Was something going on there? I have no idea, but I wouldn't be surprised. Mom becomes even worse. If you don't want to have the end ruined for you, stop now because I'm going to keep going.
SPOILER ALERT
Mom's visits to the kids go from daily to weekly to "hey, we haven't seen Mom in six months!" She shows up one day and announces she married some guy and they honeymooned in Europe. She brings fancy gifts, and then runs back to her money and luxurious life. Meanwhile, Cathy and oldest brother Chris have gone through puberty and start having sex because, um, they're bored and horny? Oh and it's in their blood because - surprise! - the reason Grandpa disapproved of Mom is because her husband (aka Dad) was actually her half-uncle! Fun!
The two youngest kids stop growing because they don't get fresh air, sunlight, or exercise, and then one of them dies. Turns out Mom has been trying to poison them so she can have her fresh life with her new hubby. Even though Grandpa died months ago and nothing is stopping her from letting her kids back into her life.
Eventually, Cathy and Chris devise a way to escape with their remaining sister and start a life. Together. Because they're in love. And siblings. Still. I double-checked.
And that's it. That's the plot of this beloved novel. I mean...I don't even know. I get teenagers with their hormones and changing bodies wanting to read sexy stuff, but incestuous sex? And the book apparently involves a rape between the siblings, too. Gah! The book also happens to be the first in a series that involves the pair getting married and having (adopted, thank God) children of their own.
A lot of times, it takes me awhile to determine whether I liked a book or movie. I'll read or watch it, then kind of think about it over the next few days before I come to the conclusion, "You know what? I kind of hated/loved that." The more I thought about the movie (which people herald as pretty true to the book), the more icky I felt and the weirder I found the whole Flowers in the Attic phenomenon to be. Maybe you had to be there?
Amusing Side Note: Upon watching the movie, I tweeted, "How was Flowers in the Attic a phenomenon? I mean, incest is fun and all, but what the hell? I need a shower and two hours of my life back." (I know, I'm hilarious, right?) Anyway, within about 30 seconds, I got a notification that Mason Dye favorited one of my tweets. Who the hell is Mason Dye? I thought. Apparently, he played Chris in the movie. Well played, Mason Dye. Well played.
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