houstonchronicle.com
With each passing episode of MasterChef, the more bothered I get that they skipped over the whole audition part of the show. Usually, by now, we have some kind of idea about at least half of the competitors, at least enough to remember their grandmother taught them how to cook authentic Cajun cuisine or they've been serving souffles at family functions since they were old enough to use the oven.
But no. Instead, I entered the most recent episode, where we're already down to the final 22, remembering only that Courtney used some pretentious term to describe her career as a stripper, Francis had fabulous clothes, and Big Willie looked like a human representation of a good time. Thankfully, that last one only got more true as the episode went on.
The show started with a Mystery Box challenge, where contestants were presented with all the fixings for a fancy dessert: various berries, bananas, lady fingers, chocolate, extracts, honey, etc. They were also presented with the fact that someone was going to be eliminated in this usually non-elimination challenge.
That ain't no thang for Big Willie, who is the sole food preparer in his 13-person household (unlike his useless grandmother and pathetic auntie) and a connoisseur of desserts. Jaimee, who moonlights as a bakery assistant, is equally confident for obvious reasons, although her back story is not nearly as much fun as watching Big Willie make fun of his elderly relatives. After getting teased and bullied throughout childhood, she has a bit of a meekness that is hidden behind tattoos and cooking and, in the case of her ink displaying a mixer, both.
Now, this wouldn't be a Gordon Ramsay-hosted Fox production if there was a little bit of pointless bickering, so Gordon stirs the pot by asking Elizabeth who will go home. Elizabeth doesn't want to say out loud, so she points to Leslie, the stay-at-home dad who favors bright suit vests, a well-coifed silver mane and a chip on his shoulder for no discernible reason. "Why do you think Leslie is going home?" Gordon asks in the loudest possible voice. This sets off Leslie, who starts yelling at and threatening Elizabeth to the point where Gordon has to step back in and tell him to be more mature. And there you have Exhibit A that you're watching MasterChef and not Hell's Kitchen.
Mercifully, the clock stops and they bring up four people: bottom two Cutter and Astrid and top two Courtney and Big Willie.
Oh, you don't know Cutter? Neither do I, because we had a 30 second conversation with him a minute ago and that's it. Apparently he was in the military and looks a little bit like Bradley Cooper's more rugged and not-quite-as-handsome brother. He made cappuccino pudding with biscotti. Gordon is annoyed by it because he sucked up by making a MasterChef logo in the cappuccino's cream. Joe is annoyed because Cutter didn't actually know what biscotti is and served a hard loaf of bread dipped in chocolate.
Astrid's was just a pathetic, undercooked, nasty-looking lemon tart that got her eliminated. Stay tuned for more Cutter!
Courtney (honey cake with mixed berry coulis) and Big Willie (ginger cake with marscapone cream and a berry compote) were the top two dishes, and despite the fact that Willie's cake created a party in Gordon's mouth, Courtney took the win.
Her prize came in three parts: 1) She got to skip the subsequent Elimination Test. 2) She got to choose one of three options that the rest of the competitors would have to make. And 3) she got to choose 10 other competitors to save, leaving the other 10 to compete. Courtney opted to save people in the most backhanded, jerkiest way possible, explaining that each person was being saved because she knew she could beat them, or they weren't that good, or whatever. Some of the folks are familiar: Leslie, Jaimee (and boy, did her snooty remarks about Jaimee smart after learning how poorly Jaimee has been treated by people who look like Courtney throughout her life), little Gordon, Elise, Cutter, Francis, Elizabeth. Then I think she might have saved someone named Iran? Qatar? I don't know who these people are.
Presented with meatballs, meatloaf or hamburger for this ground-meat challenge, Courtney also saddled the 10 remaining contestants with creating a meatloaf dish. One person is excited.
"I make a mean meatloaf. Me and ground beef, we go way back." - Big Willie quote of the night
Big Willie follows that up when he and Gordon taste his in-process loaf. Before Gordon has a chance to react, Big Willie gushes, "Oh, that is good!" I'm going to be very sad when Big Willie is no longer in my life.
While they're cooking, we're also introduced to a few more people. Dan is incredibly snobbish, both about the food he eats and the food he cooks. Almost 100% of his comments were derogatory toward his fellow competitors' dishes. He seems nice. Whitney had to quit culinary school for monetary reasons and somehow thinks tropical fruits in a meatloaf is the way to go. Stephani responds to Joe's criticism of her game plan by getting defensive toward him, toward the saved competitors, and possibly toward you and me.
When it came down to tasting the dishes, we were again inundated with people who had not appeared on our screen before this moment. Dishes that got raves included Christine, Daniel (yup, there's a Dan AND a Daniel kicking around), Big Willie (obviously), and Francis. Yes, there are also TWO Francises. You're killing me, guys. Francis B. (younger, no accent, less crazy-seeming) took a chance by adding burrata cheese and romesco sauce to his meatloaf, something the judges questioned while he cooked but that wound up a success. So much so that Francis took the win.
Those that didn't fare so well were Stephani, Whitney, someone named Jordan, and Dan, whose dish was described as "absolutely disgusting." Somehow, "absolutely disgusting" made it over Whitney's dish, which didn't get rave reviews, but which didn't exactly get decimated as badly as Dan's and Stephani's did. Still, the judges and other contestants must have seen something they didn't televise because everyone seemed to agree that Whitney didn't have the talent. Either way, she's gone.
Dish I'd Most Like to Try: Full disclosure: I hate meatloaf. I can't even eat it. I'm not a terribly picky eater, but that's one food that I just can't even put in my mouth. Meat is not supposed to be a loaf. Just like ham isn't supposed to be shaped like the tin it came in. So that leaves me with Courtney's honey cake.
Dish I Made Myself: Salmon burger! (Don't be impressed - it was a frozen patty and was smothered in BBQ sauce...just like Joe Bastianich makes at home.)
No comments:
Post a Comment